Your Chore personality
quiz results are in!
You are…
a peacekeeper
Here are your 3 simple steps you* can take to getting more teamwork at home
* There might be a loud voice yelling “BUT FIX MY PARTNER!!!” Your partner is definitely a huge part of the problem at home, but getting them to change is a whole different thing (and if you are interested in this, stay tuned, because I have the couples’ program for you).
For now, I want to give you tools that make you feel more in control, that help you to make real changes at home, and that empower you.
Step 1: Know the Characteristics of Your Chore Personality
Your strength is diffusing conflict and maintaining the peace.
You are able to create calm even when it looks like things are about to get heated.
You pick up on people’s feelings before even they do.
You feel other people’s emotions inside your own body as though they are your own.
You know when to push, and when to back off, to ensure smooth sailing.
This ability to keep everyone happy is a super skill of yours. You might have learned to put your needs second to keep the calm in the household. When you put yourself second, and no one argues and puts you first, you end up always in second place. This could lead you to feel resentful, frustrated and undervalued.
we all have things to work on we don’t like to acknowledge.
(mine is not slamming cabinets)
Read on to put your chore personality to work to get teamwork at home!
Step 2: A quick step to take towards lasting change
There is one step you can take right now to feel more like a team with your partner. Practice letting adults manage their own feelings. You might have grown up in a family where feelings were scary, and respond out of habit now. Unfortunately, when you manage your partner's feelings you are responding in a style more like a parent and less like a partner. This might lead you to feel like your partner is childlike, undependable, and that you have to "do it all."
The next time you feel your partner getting upset, remind yourself, "They are a grown up and it's their job to manage their feelings. Not mine." This mantra will help you to shift the dynamic from managing your partner's feelings, to being in a equal relationship with them.
Step 3: Communication tips for the peacekeeper
You learned to keep conflict low, partly by putting your needs on the back burner. You find it uncomfortable and hard to talk about your feelings and needs. Unfortunately, no one is a mind-reader, and your partner needs you to state what you want and need so they can understand you.
Instead of: Doing the dishes for your partner when they don’t do them.
Try this: Practice saying your emotion (e.g. sad, mad, glad, anxious, etc.) and explaining when it happens. “I feel disappointed when I come home and the dishes are still on the sink from the night before.” As you get used to doing this, don’t expect to fix anything or for it to lead anywhere. For now the practice is just to get used to saying it so your partner can understand you better.
what else can you do?
Buy “Divy up chores like a boss (without being the boss)” ebook
Go beyond these first steps and put these exciting next steps into place even if you aren’t sure your partner will be on board.
Implement changes in your house that will work for you based on your unique Chore Personality!
Learn my 4 part system to get rid of the heavy mental load
Create a Clarity List that gives you a snapshot of who is doing what so we can decide the best next step for you
This downloadable workbook is $57 in my shop...
But you can get a copy NOW for only $17!
You might be thinking...
“I don’t wanna make a list of who is doing what. I already do too much and it will make me feel worse than I do already.”
I know you’re suffering and unhappy with how things currently are. While you might be scared that looking at it on paper will make you feel worse, the truth is that it actually will make you feel more in control. When you work through this workbook you’ll also have my voice with you giving you tips on next steps.
I’ve learned how to feel like my partner has my back and we’re a team. I want to help others find the same.
It is possible. This is a huge and important step on your journey.
Hi, I’m Sarah.
Ten years ago I found myself exhausted by the list of things that I needed to do around the house. I was constantly reminding my husband what he needed to do, and managing the to-do list for both of us.
This lead me to feel resentful and irritated. But maybe worse, I started to feel like my husband was more like a child than a partner. (Obviously this is a pretty big romance killer.)
Since then I’ve been studying this problem, attending therapy, and learning why we end up in these cycles. My husband and I are unstuck, feel closer than ever, and have a fair division of household responsibilities.
That’s why I’m here.
I want to help others experience this feeling of connectedness and teamwork. And that’s why I created this ebook for you!
Does any of this sound familiar?
You’re angry you don’t get enough help with the household chores but don’t know how to fix it
Romance and sex are next to impossible because you don’t feel seen, valued or supported by your partner
You feel like you do the bulk of the household work and you’re resentful of it
You are exhausted by the mental load of the remembering and noticing and keeping track of everything
If you caught yourself nodding along, this workbook is for you
Inside this Workbook, you’ll:
Use your Chore Personality to make changes: I go in depth to help you understand your personal style and how to use that information with tailor-made steps to bring you more teamwork at home
Identify how much you are doing: Did you know that womxn tend to UNDERESTIMATE what they do in the household while men OVERESTIMATE it? For us to really fight those internalized biases we need real, cold data. My Clarity List will make it clear what’s actually on your plate and what your partner does.
Learn how to offload the mental load: stop being the only one doing the noticing, planning, and organizing! I’ll teach you how to use my 4 Step system to hand over some of the mental load!